Saturday, May 23, 2009

Its finally happened. 

Jan and Anson, i mean. They are finally together. i dont know to be surprised or not, because they are compatible, and well, they are close. so, yea..

I feel absolutely happy for jan, its just, theres this tugging in my heart.

because i know, i'm going to be alone. again.

i dont like to be alone, a feeling that consumes me whole and makes me think too much and.. well, and i dont like to feel what im feeling.

its jealousy.

how can i be jealous of one of my closest friends? HOW?

the fact that i know, i will be left alone is not nice.

example, one day shuyi needs to go find alex, then hacken go find siying. where would i go? ramdan is not here nomore, and there will be only be anson and jan left. i cant possibly be a lightbulb. 

daryl hasnt talked to me for a day now. i know a day seems short, but its more than 24 hours. 

im going insane, and nobody will be able to save me. 

because there is nobody left. theres only one thing left for me to do.

plaster a smile on, bravely. and i'll face things alone from now on.

im falling hopelessly, and you walked away.

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